Complete 180

Once again it has been 4 months since I last posted and since then I have meant to update my blog dozens of times. Half the time I have even planned out what I could write but something else always grabbed my attention before I got around to actually doing it. The majority of those things were Doctor Who, which I have fallen head over heels in love with. I literally can not get enough of it and I put my life on hold until I caught up with 7 seasons. I am all caught up though and I am putting my life back into motion, including this blog. Since my last blog post I have had so many life changes and the question of what comes next did a complete 180.

I AM EMPLOYED!!!! A family friend is a principal at an elementary school and had an instructional assistant position open to work with at risk kids. I very reluctantly agreed to interview for the position because even though the job didn’t sound exciting I needed the money and an excuse to wake up every morning. I got the job and it has changed my life. I love what I am doing. I spend all day surrounded by 4^th graders and even though they can get on my nerves they also give me so many reasons to smile. Watching them finally understand what we are teaching is an indescribable feeling, and I am so happy that I get to experience it. I also work at the most amazing school, everyone is so kind and make me feel so welcome, like I am part of a group. They also believe in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. They have complete faith that I can do/teach whatever they need me to, and even when I am freaking out internally they give me the push to follow through on all of my tasks. They make waking up easier every morning. Since I love my job so much it has lead me to my next piece of news.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!! I honestly thought this day would never come but I did my best to keep believing. I would remind myself that God has a plan for me and I have simply not reached the point in my life where I get to know what it is. I was patient though and now I know. I was meant to be a teacher. My job has opened up my eyes to how much I love and enjoy working with elementary school aged kids. People always told me that I would make a fantastic teacher but I never believed them. I had no interest in being a teacher, so why would I? I always knew I loved kids because of babysitting but the idea of having a child’s education in my hands made me nervous and terrified me. I am still nervous about this and a little terrified but my job has shown me that I can do it. All of the teachers at school tell me on a regular basis that I am doing a great job and tell me that I am a natural teacher. Their faith in me is giving me the confidence I need to go and get my teaching certificate. Now that I have decided to be a teacher no other job possibility even comes close to making me as happy. I can imagine my life as a teacher and I am just filled with excitement and happiness. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was meant to be a teacher.

It amazes me how something as small as getting a job can change your entire life. I am no longer worrying about what comes next, instead I am looking forward to it.

**Also, lets all acknowledge the fact that my blog is 1 years old!!! In 1 year I had 23 posts, which may not seem like a lot but for me it is a huge deal…look at me go. :)

What comes next?

I have been meaning to update this since I last posted. I have had a million ideas of what to write about but none of them seemed good enough.  The ideas were gone before I could grab onto them and so I let them go without a fight.

 

At the beginning of the summer I was going to write about how weird it felt to be home, for good. How graduating didn’t really feel real yet and how it probably wouldn’t until school time came and I never left Amarillo. I was going to write about how I had graduated college and I still felt exactly the same. The same questions that had been plaguing me were still there…what comes next?

In the middle of the summer I was going to write a post about how all of my friends were worrying about finding a job and I didn’t have that problem yet. I was waiting to be a nanny for the summer, my go between job to get me from college to my big girl job.  I was going to write about how unemployment wasn’t so bad when you choose it. How I was able to enjoy my summer with the questions about my future only nagging a little…what comes next?

At the end of summer I was going to write a post about how much I enjoyed not having the pressures of being a grown up. I spent my days with 12 year old twin, a 6 and a 3 year old. The biggest questions that we faced were what was for lunch and if we should go to the park or the zoo? I got to act like a little kid every day and do all of the things that I won’t be able to do in the very near future, watching movies all day, staying in your pajamas, and just not having a care in the world. The question of what comes next made very few appearances during this time, because I was so tired and so wrapped up in thinking of something fun for the 5 of us to do. It was nice.

Now the end of summer has come. The girls I nanny are preparing for the beginning of school and I am sitting here still wondering what comes next.  I know what is supposed to come next. I am supposed to find a job, a job that I love and am passionate about. I am eventually supposed to start dating so that I can get married and have kids. My only problem with this scenario is what happens when what is supposed to happen doesn’t happen? I have been looking for jobs and there are none, and if there is a job it isn’t something I would love. It is a job I would have because I am supposed to have a job, and I need a job to pay back my school loans. It wouldn’t be a job that I love and am passionate about; it would just be a job. The idea of I am supposed to find a boy to fall in love with is even more far fetched than finding a job I love.  So what happens when the question of what comes next scares me so much that I can’t handle to think about it? Instead I put my headphones on and turn my Broadway Babies playlist up so loud that is drowns out the real world and I search the internet for hours for recipes to bake. Anything to push the question of what comes next as far away as possible. So what happens then?

Final Countdown

Graduation
 

This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but as you can imagine I didn’t have much free time.  There were so many people at my house and once they all left my house all I wanted to do was sleep.  This completely skipped my mind.  Now on to the actual post.

I know that if I didn’t go to Austin College I would have gone somewhere else.  So I would still be graduating but it wouldn’t be the same.  I am so happy that I am graduating as a Kangaroo because Austin College was perfect for me.  I am so proud of everything I have accomplished in the past four years and so thankful for all the opportunities that AC has provided for me.  It helped shape me into the person I am today.  I am sad to leave it behind, but I can’t wait for the next chapter of my life to start.  Until then I am going to celebrate because I am a college graduate!!!

The Burrow is all grown up.

We graduated!!!

And we grew some mustaches.

Swimming in the fountain is the perfect way to celebrate!

Final Countdown

The Burrow

If I think saying goodbye to the bitches is going to be hard, saying goodbye to The Burrow is going to be almost impossible. (I am getting sad thinking about it and the bitches right now).   An alumni friend talked about how before you graduated you needed to go and say goodbye to all of your Sherman hangouts before graduation, this is the only place that came to mind.  The Burrow is the happiest and craziest place in Sherman and I will miss it all the time.  I was able to live with my two best friends and it provided some of the best memories of my entire college career.  It is going to be weird not being able to wake up and walk out to the living room and just hang out with my two best friends…which probably means all of us on our own respective couches, on tumblr. not talking. 

Living here as also provided me the ability to have stories about my college roommates that I will be able to tell my children.  I will get to tell them how Aunt Kellan and Aunt Coral and I lived together and did some of the most ridiculous things together.  When I look back on my senior year I am not going to think about all of the drama and the tears, but living in The Burrow and how I loved it.  How the three of us became obsessed with painting our nails, watching Weeds, or how we became groupies during the month of April.  The Burrow reinforced the fact that I have the coolest friends and I love them.  I am going to miss The Burrow so much but at least I got to experience it.

Final Countdown

Stephanie

Where do I even begin?  She once described herself as the Mexican me and I think that is pretty fitting.  It may have taken me until college to finally find friends who will be my friends for life.  I did find them though and she is at the very top of the list.  This past year as been extremely tough and even though she was in Ecuador she was able to help with everything.  We proved that distance doesn’t really mean anything when you are true friends, and those true friends will always be there for you no matter what.  I am so thankful for her everyday.  I don’t know what I would do without her.

She also shares my crazy obsessive nature.  She loves so many of the same things as me and we are able to fangirl with each other over everything.  It is pretty awesome to share so many of the same loves as your best friend. 

She is one of the most important people in my life and I will never be able to find the words that show how important she is to me.  She is my go to girl when my life is falling apart, and is the one that helps me put the pieces back together.  She always knows the right things to say, even when I don’t know what those words are myself.  Sometimes it feels like she knows me better than I know myself.  I am blessed to have her in my life and I love her.

Final Countdown

Evolution of the Bitch

These girls are the reason that I survived this past year.  My senior year of college was not filled with crazy parties but with a lot of tears.  When it seemed like everything was falling apart they were always there to remind me that things weren’t as bad as they looked.  They knew when I needed to vent and cry or when I needed to drink out of buckets and get drunk.  They kept me sane, which is a hard job to do, and they did it with a smile.  They restored my faith in people.  I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them this past year.  Plus it is always fun when you can call your best friends ‘bitch’ and it is considered the highest compliment.

These girls are definitely what I will miss the most when I am back at home (I will probably cry at graduation when we take our bitch picture).  It is going to be so hard not seeing them everyday and around campus.  It’s also going to be really hard because we are going to be separated by hundreds of miles and I don’t know when I will be able to see them again and hug them.  Of course, if anyone can make it work it will be the bitches.  We are fighters and I know they will always be there for me.  They are the best/bitchiest friends I could ever ask for.  I love them.

Final Countdown

Sleeperstar

I have talked about my love for Sleeperstar previously, and I am sure I will talk about them again, but you get to hear about them now too.

Sleeperstar can easily be called one of my favorite bands and without Austin College I probably would have never heard of them.  In the past I typically listened to top 40 or country music, with a little bit of oldies mixed in. (You can’t get any better than old school 80s music).  I don’t actively go and try to find the next big band, I wait for them to find me and who knows how long it would have taken Sleeperstar to find me.  This was two years ago, when I first discovered them, now a days it would be almost physically impossible to discover them.  I listen to Broadway show tunes. All. The. Time.  So if I do discover a new band/performer it is because they are from Broadway who released and album/EP. 

I also think that Sleeperstar is one of the reasons I became so close to Stephanie.  Before Sleeperstar I don’t remember hanging out with Stephanie, we were sisters, but not close friends.  Sleeperstar helped change all of that.  We decided to go to the cd release party together and our relationship was never the same.  We just got closer and closer as time went on.  Sleeperstar provided us an opportunity to have a shared interest that allowed us to realize how many shared interests we actually have and how similar we are.  Liking Sleeperstar only has positive outcomes.