Ugly Cry

I went into a professors office to turn in a test, which I didn’t feel confident in, and as I was about to leave he said “being mad at me isn’t going to help your cause.”  As I turned around to tell him I wasn’t mad at him I proceeded to have a meltdown.  I mean full on ugly cry, it was not attractive.  It was a combination of being tired and the stress of the day.  I calmed myself down enough to leave and go get myself a treat and I now that I have had time to think, I realize that I may not have been mad at him but I am mad at a bunch of things.  I think that if I write them down and actually think about them it will help in the process of forgiving, or at least forgetting.

• I am mad at the stupid girls who ruined my senior year.  The girls who think they are all that and everyone falls down at their feet to make them happy.  The girls who create drama out of nothing and go on with their lives like nothing happened while you pick up the pieces of yours.
• I am mad at the people who start to talk to after four years and then all of a sudden start ignoring you.
• I am mad at the so called “experts” at businesses who treat you like a child who knows nothing.  Then in the end they never fix your problem.
• I am mad at my doctor for not giving me medicine for my headaches, which I experience on an almost daily basis.  Which I am experiencing now and I am in excruciating pain.
• I am mad at the fact that I have a best friend who is a year older than me.  This means she isn’t here to help me through my shitty senior year. (Of course she does everything she can from where she is).  Did I mention she also lives at the bottom of Texas, while I live on the top?
• I am mad at the fact that one of my other best friends is moving back to New York in two short months, and I don’t know when I will see her again.
• I am mad at professors who don’t teach you anything, but expect you to become an expert of the topic and pass the test.
• I am mad that I don’t have a passion in life.  This means I have no idea what I will be doing once I graduate.
• I am mad at myself for becoming so frustrated when I know I didn’t do as well on something as I could have. 
• I am mad at myself for not having enough faith in myself. (I did great on my test!!!)
• I am mad at my body for not letting me sleep.  For taking so long to fall asleep and once I do fall asleep waking up every couple of hours.

Of course for the most part I don’t think about these things or let them get me down.  However, I think sometimes you need to just have a big ugly cry about everything before you can continue on.  Of course, it is better if you have this ugly cry in the privacy of your own home…not your professors office.